Covid's 11 steps

1 (January) – Jesus, what’s this shit happening in China? They close down a fucking city with more than 10 million people under strict lockdown? And I’m watching it as if it were the first episode of the walking dead? Remember that? When Rick Grimes wakes up alone in a hospital in the midst of the dead city of Atlanta, Georgia? These guys, these Chinese guys must mean business, they’re not dumb, they’re all about profit, why would they hurt their economy so severely if this shit weren’t serious? Oh, fuck it, I live in Europe, it’s a China thing, tomorrow is another day.

2  (February) –  Damn, they got the bug in the Alps, it’s on the move to Italy, but it’s cool, am a bit worried, but fuck it, just a few idiots got it, and for god’s sake, am not planning my summer holiday in Italy, by the by, it seems there’s a brilliant football match on cable starring Valencia and some other stupid team from Italy. Better watch that.

3  (mid-February) –  I need to have a talk with my best friend. The guy is brilliant but a tiny bit reckless. I know what, gonna go and meet and warn him. I got do that, probably the last time I will see him in the months to come, maybe am getting paranoid, but I wanna play it safe, got to warn him. Got to warn my mum and my dad and my girlfriend, too. Fuck this, they aren’t paying attention. Heck, my brother has already quarantined himself and his family, and he’s in the UK. His distress calls are getting more and more urgent.

4  (late February) – We’re fucked. I opened El Pais today. It don’t look good. Spain got the bug, too. It was the fucking football match. It’s hitting Italy hard, God, I open the Corriere Dela Serra and am flabbergasted. These fucks haven’t got a clue, but people are dying and the national healthcare service is going ballistic.

5 (early March) – This is it, I’m gonna need to take steps. The bug has arrived. In the north of Portugal. Damnation. I need to take steps. Am in Lisbon. Three guys in my household. Me, another Portuguese and a Brazilian. At dinner, I summon a war council. At first, they laugh, then they realise that I’m either going insane or that I’m being a dictator. Fuck them, this household belongs to me and it is no longer a paternal democracy, either they play it by my book of protocols, or they fucking leave.

6 (13^th of March) – Shit is going to hell. Fucking manic rush to the supermarket today morning. People are going bonkers. The Brazilian is getting depressed by the hour. I and the other Portuguese suggest he leaves. He’s already ahead of us, will be living on the 15^th to São Paulo, while there are still flights. I’m in charge of driving him to the airport. We’re all quite scared and gloomy; Christ, we’re friends, good friends. Maybe I should leave also, to my country house.  

7 (18^th of March) – Fuck, fuck, fuck. Game on, the Brazilian is already gone. Now, it’s me and my Portuguese mate. A state of emergency has been declared by the President. It nullifies my chances of moving to the country. Mum is on the phone scared, dad just calls it folklore, but he’s safe, at least for the time being.

8 (20^th of March) – We’re in complete lockdown. Am not working, my mate went to his office, got a pc, headset and will start working from home tomorrow. Fuck, we decide that from now on its communism in this household. He works, I cook and clean. None leaves. We’re gonna ride this shit trough. I will do the shopping, all protocols in place, all expenses will be shared.   

9 (mid-April) – This is very hard. I experience bouts of loneliness, I feel miserable. Had a few rough nights, just couldn’t sleep. Oddly, it’s him that keeps me going. Imagine that, a guy that everyone thought of as an idiot is manning up and keeping me, the allegedly strong one, afloat. We share everything, from food to drink, from political comment to the occasional joint.

10 (late-April) – I need to go. Soon. The state of emergency will be lifted in May. Add that to the exhaustion of the populace and to sunny weather and people will flock to the streets. There can be a second, most powerful wave. I need to go now. To the countryside with my girl and the dog. That’s Plan A. We’ve got to move swiftly,  it’s the only way to be sure and, possibly, happy.        

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